From time to time, or several times a week, people indulge their good spirits with some good spirits. Being that I am in my twenties, I am more on the several times a week end of the spectrum. Drinking can lead to great times and good conversation, or to tears and smudged mascara. I think this predominantly depends on who you are drinking with, but that’s just my opinion. Which is why I like to say “I don’t get drunk, i get awesome.” I personally find myself to be wonderful when drunk (others may disagree). When sober, I find myself not talking to many people and not having the best of times. My friends refer to this as me being awkward or shy. Which is entirely false. I just don’t like stupid people. So instead of joining in on some ignorant conversation and eventually making a bitchy, sarcastic comment that will most likely offend whoever is speaking I just sit there and look at funny Buzzfeed articles while everyone deems me as unsocial. When I am drunk however, this all changes. I jump right into all these conversations and let my sarcastic comments fly. Thankfully, when I am sarcastic, and in some ways bitchy, I am usually quite funny. People that had written me off as a snob earlier in the evening are asking for my number and adding me as a friend on Facebook. It bewilders my friends. They are all like “what the fuck, he said he didn’t like you and that you were giving him bitchy looks all night and now he wants to take you to dinner?” That my friends is the power of this amazing liquid called alcohol. Five beers and four Fireball shots later, and I am the most well-liked person in the bar. Suddenly I know the owner, and the owner’s cousin visiting from Memphis, and I am signed up to sing karaoke to “I’ve Got Friends In Low Places.” Next thing you know I am secretly pushing balls in the pockets of a pool table to help out some guy having a really rough game. Then I am outside in a freestyle battle because I told everyone I could rap and my dog’s name is Biggie Smalls (which sounds hardcore, and he is a badass…pomeranian). When I am drunk the possibilities are endless and the night will most likely be wonderful (followed by some not so wonderful photos to be discovered on my phone the next day). So to all you fabulous drinking buddies out there, kudos to you. Your friends are lucky to have such an extraordinary lush in their lives, never let them tell you differently. And the next time somebody shouts out “Man, you’re drunk..” respond with “I don’t get drunk, I get awesome” then precede to take that flaming tequila shot and many, many more.
I don’t get drunk, I get awesome